Conflict Prevented!

Let’s talk about conflict, confrontation and contention. This words are bandied about pretty freely these days. What is surprising is how they are used in such a way that sounds positive and affirming. “You have to confront your fears.” Is just one example.

Conflict has a pretty serious meaning. Conflicts meaning denotes struggle between opposing forces for victory or supremacy. Conflict applies both to open fighting between hostile groups and to a struggle between antithetical forces. That is pretty heavy stuff going on. So just how accurate is it when yo hear someone say, I don’t want to stir up a conflict just because they are afraid to disagree with someone or say not to a person about something as simple as where they are going to have lunch?

Last week my mother in law had half her kidney removed due to cancer. When I went to see her the next day, she was in horrible pain. I asked her if she had spoken to the nurse and she responded, she didn’t want to confront them and have any conflict but preferred things to be calm and cool. Really? She was willing to sit in pain instead of having any conflict? First of all, being pain free is a pretty good reason to have conflict in my mind. Secondly though, I wondered, why is it contentious or confrontational to ask for what you need?

So I put it to the test. I went to the nurse. I smiled. I asked her if she could help me. I explained my mother in law was in pain and I was in pain watching her suffer. How can this be changed?

Within 10 minutes we have lovely pain meds and a guarantee that this could be prevented during her stay. There was no conflict. There was no confrontation and I didn’t feel contentious at all. And my mother in law felt nothing but soothing relief!!!

So next time, you feel that things are not going as well as they might, don’t assume you will have conflict. Don’t belly up to the bar and prepare for a confrontation. Examine your attended and if it is contentious, shift that to one of humbleness and graciousness and ASK for help. Explain your needs. Ask if the other person can find a place in the middle of the road to meet you half way. Instead of treating situation as adversarial or ones that you would like to avoid, treat them as opportunities to join forces, collaborate and expand your connections and outreach. This is just one more way to remove negative energy and it’s results from your life.