|Posted on July 20, 2015 at 8:00 AM|
This is to continue the discussion about chunking down to our core emotional response for effective communications. Let me refresh you on what chunk communication means:
C = Clear/Concise
H = Honest
U = Uninhibited
N = Natural/Normal
K = Kind
Uninhibited. It is a not so simple word. It has more than two syllables. To be uninhibited is to be loose, to not be restrained by convention, the freedom to act, to express freely.
So what does that actually mean for effective communications? We often hear people say they have no social filters. These people often are perceived to saying any and all things that come to their minds and they probably do? Is this what I mean by being uninhibited? NO!!
Uninhibited actually can be exchanged for the word transparent. Are you transparent in your communications? Many times people come across as being manipulated in their communications. Guess what!! It is because they are!!!
Communications is about asking for and getting what you want and need. So substitute manipulation with the word convincing. Effective communication is about sharing information and convincing other to either agree with you or that you are at least sharing a piece of you and expecting them to honor that information with respect and by listening.
Effective communication can be promoted by the words you use. Using PROPER words is not always the most effective, especially if they feel false or forced. For instance, I am very impassioned person. I like to use short and simple words for the most part, though I have a access to a large vocabulary. I let my passion speak for itself and do not always struggle over making word choices. People can see and hear and feel my passion and this carries more weight than using eloquent words. The passion is the eloquence many times.
The simplest idea of uninhibited comes from my own life. It is so powerful that today I can recall the memory and it is as if I am in the moment again like it is just happening. I was married in my youth to a man who was trying to recover from addictions. The circumstances are not important. At the time, he had hurt me very badly and I was crying. I told him I was in great agony. I was completely uninhibited in sharing my pain, not accusing or angry, just suffering. He was able to see my pain and responded just as equally uninhibited by saying, “I am the cause of your pain. If you truly believe I love you, you will understand that hurting you has to be out of my control as I would never do that if you can see me for who I am.” This was very eloquent for a man of few words, but his passion also carried it straight to my heart. I knew he spoke the truth. I also realized that this truth created its own problems… his lack of control which meant I was not safe with him. And it also was a lesson in empathy which I will discuss in a future sharing with you in my blog. Because of all this information I received in this exchange, I was now able to make better and very difficult decisions about this relationship.
Uninhibited information saved my life. It most certainly can change yours.